Dream big

Nope, even bigger than that. 

Yesterday I opened the can of worms that is 'what do I want my life to look like?' 

I've been thinking about that a little today - I haven't come to any conclusions but I have some initial thoughts. 

I want to have a family. Ok, I knew that one before. 

I want to manage my own life. I want to work when I want to, and when I need to, and when I feel motivated to, not when someone else tells me I have to. Sometimes I want to work until 4am, and some days I don't want to work at all. My job is too safe. I get paid the same whether I put in 20% effort or more than 100% (couldn't bring myself to write an Apprentice-style 200%). 

I want to do something creative. I'm not sure what, but for now I'm going to try this whole photography thing I've been harping on about and see if I'm any good at it. Sure, I might be awful. But I won't know that if I don't try. 

I want to see new places. 

I want to be outside more. 

I don't want to live in London for much longer. 

I don't know what all of that added up to looks like, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't look like my life does right now. But while I'd love to change everything all at once, go run away and live in a beach hut taking photos of sunsets and eating mangoes all day, I'm not a total idiot. I know sub-standard photos and mango-eating doesn't pay the bills. 

What I am going to do, is make little changes every day that get me a bit further from my now life and a bit closer to my future one. 

One of my absolute favourite songs, if I haven't already told you a million times, is the sunscreen song by Baz Luhrman. My A level English teacher put it on a mix tape she made for us all when we left school and ever since then it's become a little ritual of mine to listen to it before every exam and job interview. I listened to it before every A level, every uni exam and every time I've had a job interview. It helps ground me and put everything in perspective. 

Where are you going with this totally boring, nostalgia-filled story, Beth? 

Ok, ok... So, while it's not my favourite lyric, I do love the part of the song that says "do one thing every day that scares you". So that's what I'm going to do. I'm making a list, checking it twice (only because it's December and I've had no Christmas references in a post yet. Christmas update to come tomorrow - it's still happening amongst the soul searching dominating my life) and I'm going to pick off one thing every day. 

Today I've booked a beginners photography course for January. Not the most scary thing ever, but it does commit me to getting a camera and working out how to use it by mid-January.  So it's a motivator if nothing else.  

No comments:

Post a Comment