House guests, like fish...

"I love being a hostess". I've been saying that for years, but I'm slowly coming to the realisation that it may be...a not-truth. 

I love hosting a dinner party. I love having people over for lunch. I love throwing parties and afternoon teas and coffee dates. 

I don't think I like weekend visitors. Yup, that sounds mean. I mean, I love seeing people. And a lot of our family live far away so they can't exactly pop down for the day, but weekend visitors are So. Much. Work. Even the very helpful kind that wash up and make their own cups of tea in the morning. They don't mean to be, they just are. 

There is extra housework to be done before they arrive, extra beds to be made. I feel like I have to cook 'special' food - meals that take 2+ hours to prepare, I bake cakes, I become neurotically tidy, I constantly feel like I have to make sure the house is spotless and everyone always has a drink or snack. 

I know I put this on myself. But I can't change it. It's who I am, it's how I was brought up. 

But right now, I just can't do it. I'm too tired. Which is why I'm upstairs right now, earplugs in, crying into my pillow and wishing someone would turn the effing TV down. I have a headache, which is a daily occurrence recently - thanks, pregnancy - and I need to sleep. I was taunted with the promise of a few hours to myself, but I hadn't even had chance to bake the cake Matt had requested I make before they came back early. Hence the crying. I was really looking forward to that nap. 

I know this is whingey, I really do. But it makes me so scared for when the baby comes. Matt and I have already had a row once because I have said I don't want people visiting to stay in the week when he's at work. I don't want to feel like I have to look after a newborn and house guests without him around to help. He got pretty upset about that, didn't understand why that might be difficult for me, and accused me of not liking his family. Which I'm sure he will say about me being upstairs now. I can't wait for that row. Not. 

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