14.7.15

Many, many lbs

Weight. It's a heavy issue (pun entirely intended). 

 

I have always struggled with my weight. I can distinctly remember being about ten years old, and at a party at the home of some friends of my parents. The adults were downstairs listening to music, drinking wine (man, I miss wine) and generally having a good time. Us kids were upstairs playing…something. A ball or some other toy rolled under a bed, and I remember volunteering to get it, as did another girl. A boy laughed, said something along the lines of “you can’t get it – you won’t fit!” and asked the other girl to get it. I went downstairs and cried. I feel a bit tearful remembering it right now, truth be told. 

 

I know that sounds like a minor incident, but it has stayed with me forever since. And the worst part? I wasn’t even a fat kid. Sure, I wasn’t a skinny kid, but I definitely wasn’t a chubster. I thought I was, but looking back? Nope. Not one bit. I was a bit ‘puppy fat’-ish in my teens, but then discovered the wonder of Weight Watchers at sixteen, promptly dropped 2 stone and went on my merry way. 

 

Ever since then I’ve yo-yoed, but kept things under control with a combination of watching what I eat, exercise, and a few mad dieting spells (WW again, Juice detox, Paleo). But I’ve never got above the upper limit of a healthy BMI for my height. Until now. Enter my currently-gestating daughter. 

 

Now, I know I’m supposed to gain weight in pregnancy. Most of the info I’ve found online suggests somewhere around the 25-35lb mark is ok, but seeing those lbs pile on is HARD for someone who has struggled for years to keep their weight down. And it has not gone on slowly. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be up there at the 35lb end of the scale. Something I’m not comfortable with. Something that wasn’t helped by the fact that I got pregnant right after Christmas, so I was already about 7lb up on my ‘happy weight’ when we conceived. Something that also hasn’t been helped by the fact I’ve done next to no exercise for the past six months. I’ve tried (ish), but EVERY pregnancy yoga/pilates/fitness class I contact is fully booked from now until my little one is at school. 

 

I know this isn’t about me, it’s about my little girl, and giving her the best home possible for the nine months that she’s inside me. I know that. But it doesn’t stop me feeling self-conscious every time I look at my changing body shape, and it doesn’t stop me from feeling not so great about bedroom antics with Matt (yup, she went there). I feel fat. Matt has been great, and says he still finds me sexy, but I’m just not feeling it. 

 

I’m scared about how much more weight I’m going to gain by the end, and scared about the fact that I’ll probably look six months pregnant for quite a while after I give birth, and scared about how long it might take for me to get back to a normal weight. 

 

I’m scared. So I would welcome any and all advice on how to limit the excess poundage, keep myself relatively fit and get myself prepared for labour. Do you have any tips and tricks for getting the weight off post-baby? Or advice on how to make time for exercise after the baby arrives? I am ALL ears. And flab.

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