35 weeks

Isn't that photo just beautiful? The smeary mirror, the toilet backdrop, the expanse of skin poking out from between my tshirt and joggers... I really do treat you well. 

So, this is 35 weeks. Crap, that's scary.

So what does 35 weeks feel like? 

Mostly...difficult. Doing normal things like walking up stairs and tying my shoes have become a workout. I get breathless, or I squash the baby, who soon lets me know that she is Not Happy with her mama. 

I'm slowly admitting that I can't do the things I think I can do. I can't traipse around in 30 degree heat viewing houses for ten hours in a day. I can't travel with work. I can't commit to doing anything outside my own home beyond about 7pm. If I plan to do five things in a day, I have to be ok with managing to complete three of them. And that's pretty difficult for me. I run my life with to-do lists and plans and schedules. But being flexible is a skill I've needed to learn for a long time, and I have a feeling it's a pretty necessary one for life with a small person. 

I am SO ready to finish work. Three more weeks feels like an eternity, and I have a lot to finish off in that time, so I don't think it's going to be three weeks of early finishes either. But then...no work for a year! No work work, at least. Obviously being a mother is a different kind of job! 

While I think my bump is still pretty small for 35 weeks (the ever-so-scientific tape measure method employed by my midwife says otherwise), I forget how big it is and end up smacking it into door frames and poles on the tube (sorry, baby). 

35 weeks also feels...alien-like. I've been feeling her move for a long time now, but now she's bigger the movements are a lot more freaky. She kicks me hard in the side, and a couple of times now I've felt an actual foot (as in, can almost grab it from the outside) career across my tummy. She also like to jam her butt up in my ribs, which is...odd. And doesn't leave me much room for essential things like my lungs. But it still makes me giggle and smile every time
I feel her scrabbling about in there, even if she is punching my cervix (ouch). But then she'll have a quiet day, and not move at all, which freaks the heck out of me. 

Emotionally it's a bit of a rollercoaster. Up until about 32 weeks, pregnancy was for me a little surreal. Having a baby was this thing that I knew was happening, but that was months away. I was buying things like the pram and the Moses basket and it was all lots of fun but still a little...like I was playing make-believe. I couldn't quite allow myself to believe there would actually be a baby at the end of it. 

And I still feel a little like that. But with added 'OMG I'M HAVING A BABY IN FOUR AND A HALF WEEKS!'. Shit has suddenly, as they say, got real. 

That Moses basket that's sitting beside our bed? That's going to house an actual infant pretty soon. Those clothes I've been washing in non-bio are actually going to be worn by a tiny human. Those nappies I've been stockpiling? I'd better refresh my memory of how to put one on a wriggling, screaming person. And not just any wriggling, screaming person. My Daughter. How weird does that sound? 

So that's 35 weeks. Only five more to go! 

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